CT (AP) - Editor's Note: I was too busy to put together
any Power Rankings this year. But Bora
Bora owner Sean Uezu was able to pull a few strings, and
we were able to get the PTI guys to give us their take on
the Weaver League in 2018...
Jim is kinda busy this week with his new condo and all.
Kornheiser: So Sean asked his favorite two bald guys
to do the Pre-Season Poll for him.
Wilbon: I'm not bald, I shave my head.
Kornheiser: Maybe you are just trying to cover up the
inevitable. In any case... here's the poll:
24. Johannesburg Steelmen
Kornheiser: Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wilbon: Weren't they repeat champs just a few seasons
Kornheiser: I think that was back when I had a full
head of hair.
Wilbon: In any case, the rebuilding has begun in JB.
Kornheiser: But I don't see them climbing to the top
23. Rio de Janeiro
Wilbon: Didn't they finish third to last in 2017? Why
are they picked lower?
Kornheiser: I don't know. To tell you the truth, Jim
didn't pay us too much to do this.
Wilbon: There should be some method to the madness,
Kornheiser: I keep hearing about this D.C. fellow.
Maybe we should ask him...
22. Vancouver Mounties
Kornheiser: I had them picked dead last--It seemed they
were giving up before the season even started.
Wilbon: So why are they there?
Kornheiser: The trades haven't been consummated yet--so
until they finish their wholesale liquidation, I'm sticking
21. Chernobyl Mutants
Wilbon: I like to watch these guys. It's really exciting
Kornheiser: Yup. They can really hit the ball. Al Simmons
is one of the best hitting centerfielders in the game.
Wilbon: Too bad he's not as talented with his glove--because
their pitching staff could really use the help.
Kornheiser: If these guys could get some pitchers,
they could win 5-4 instead of losing 6-5.
20. Honolulu Volcanos
Wilbon: Talk about big young bats--Honolulu signed one
of the biggest.
Kornheiser: King Albert should bring a long of excitement
to Hawaii. He will definitely put some fans in the seats.
You know Mike--chicks dig the longball.
Wilbon: Too bad pitching and defense wins in October,
so Honolulu still won't return to power like the beginning
of this century until they get some of that.
19. Moscow Cosmonauts
Wilbon: Moscow is a lot like Chernobyl. They will put
a ton of runs on the board.
Kornheiser: But they also give up a ton of runs as well.
Wilbon: They have some young arms like Bobby Barton
who hopes to trim down some of the opponent's scoring.
Kornheiser: Maybe next year. But I'm going to give
this season the big ???.
Statboy: That's Russian for "zero". I think
they are a bit more than zero.
Kornheiser: Hey Junior, Isn't your spot at the end
of the show?
18. Argentina Archers
Wilbon: How far can finesse lefty Harry Krause carry this
Kornheiser: Well, judging that he's a buck seventy-five
soaking wet, not very far.
Wilbon: What about Les Deering?
Kornheiser: I think he could eat Harry Krause.
17. Havana Cigars
Kornheiser: These guys need to get in touch with the Volcanoes
Wilbon: Vida Blue and company sure can pitch--it's
too bad they don't get any run support.
Kornheiser: Looks like Vern Remlinger went on the Barry
Bonds off-season training plan--so MVP Runner Up Alfred Griffin
could be getting some offensive help.
Wilbon: Even with a pumped up Remlinger, I still think
they need a bit more before they join the elite teams.
16. Cairo Scorpions
Kornheiser: Talks about being pumped up! The Scorpions
are almost in the top-10.
Wilbon: Think they can go from worst to first?
Kornheiser: Not unless Tokyo is submerged in a real
Wilbon: The signing of Harding will be huge for that
young staff. He has a ring and will teach some of those kids
what it takes to win.
Kornheiser: Cairo is on the cusp, but in this tough
division--they are still another also-ran until Tokyo runs
out of steam.
15. Stockholm Swedes
Wilbon: They were a couple of games under .500 last year.
Kornheiser: I think they may get that and more this
Wilbon: With super prospects Picone and Brcker being
called up and Willis looking for a breakout season, Mr. Swede
Ernie Banks could be staring at a winning season this year.
14. Cozumel Mayans
Wilbon: The Mayans have a pretty nice team. They have
a solid core of guys.
Kornheiser: Hopefully Tom Seaver won't have to carry the team
Wilbon: If Gorman Innis grows up and Art Sanders can
build on last year's solid season, this team could be a factor.
Kornheiser: What type of factor? Looks like they are
still looking up on three, and more likely four teams.
13. Bora Bora Surfriders
Kornheiser: Talk about selling the farm.
Wilbon: Can you believe this team won 200+ games the
last two seasons.
Kornheiser: After giving up former MVP Joey Monk and
young all-star Mark Mercedes, it'll probably take four seasons
or so to reach that total again.
Wilbon: With the competition in that division, it'll
be at least that long.
12. Tehran Knights
Wilbon: They have a nice, solid team.
Kornheiser: Nice and solid won't win a pennant against
big and bad.
Wilbon: They should be competitive.
Kornheiser: Hopefully they can do a bit more than that
and quick! It won't be long before D'Amico's arm falls off.
11. Hong Kong Dragons
Wilbon: Speaking of old guys--this team has ton of them.
Kornheiser: I like to say they are experienced.
Wilbon: Not unlike yourself.
Kornheiser: Too bad I can't hit like Wagner or throw
a knuckler like Inokuchi though.
Wilbon: Heck, I bet you wish you just had hair like
10. Sicily Godfathers
Kornheiser: The Godfathers really brought the muscle last
year, adding Buttery, Smith Al-Fulani
Wilbon: They also added got some young guns in Walsh
Kornheiser: You think they will be making an offer
you cannot refuse?
Wilbon: I bet Tokyo refuses it.
9. Amity White Sharks
Wilbon: Ownership added all-world middle infielder Joe
Morgan to the team.
Kornheiser: He could be the MVP for the 2018 Polanski
Wilbon: They won't be the champs unless they improve
Kornheiser: What bullpen?
Wilbon: Can't you smell that?
Kornheiser: So that's where the smell is coming from?
Wilbon: Yeah, they stink.
8. Jamaica Rastafarians
Kornheiser: Eh mon! These guys might win the pennant,
Wilbon: Put down that doobie and take off that silly
Kornheiser: We're not doing the faces on a stick yet?
Wilbon: The Rastas will definitely be in this three-headed
Kornheiser: No doubt. The talent is definitely there.
Wilbon: Should be a very interesting year in Jamaica.
7. Berlin Brewmasters
Kornheiser: Didn't you say pitching wins championships?
Wilbon: I think I said that pitching and defense helps
you win in October.
Kornheiser: So you predicting the Brewmasters to win
it all? They have a ton of fantastic pitching.
Wilbon: It's just too bad that the Riots have a lot
of awesome pitching as well.
6. New York Nukes
Wilbon: You think Jim will be disappointed we put his
Nukes at #6? Behind his rival LA?
Kornheiser: Hey--he called us at the last minute. And
the pay... Sheesh.
Wilbon: What does that have to do with where we placed
Kornheiser: I'd be more than happy to bump him up to
#1 <wink> if you know what I mean...
5. Long Beach Lobsters
Kornheiser: These guys are my MIT.
Wilbon: What are you talking about? Are these a bunch
of nerds who are studying relativity?
Kornheiser: Well if throwing the ball faster and hitting
the ball harder is relativity--this it is.
Wilbon: So what do you mean by MIT?
Kornheiser: These guys are going from the bottom 5
or 6 straight to the Penthouse. Most Improved Team.
Wilbon: Are they going to win it all?
Kornheiser: Maybe not everything--but they could be
playing deep into October.
4. Edmonton Orcas
Wilbon: From the look of this list, the Roehm could be
a tough division.
Kornheiser: With three teams in the top-10, the two-time
defending champ could be in for a battle.
Wilbon: They have great pitching and nice bats. You
think they are going to win it all.
Kornheiser: Well--we don't have them in the top 3,
so probably not.
Wilbon: I do hope they do well for their sake. They
could be losing half their infield and a few starters in a
season or two.
3. Bombay Elephants
Kornheiser: Well, well, well. What do we have here?
Wilbon: After being mocked as the Polanski representative,
they made a major comeback in last year's Inferno Championship.
Kornheiser: I still rather have seen LA-Tokyo.
Wilbon: Are you kidding me? Bombay is an original franchise.
While they are under new ownership, they have done a terrific
job of being competitive. They have solid pitching, decent
defense and solid bats.
Kornheiser: while they are the class of the Polanski--I
think they go back to playing second fiddle to the Lockwood
2. Los Angeles Riots
Wilbon: Your team choked last year.
Kornheiser: My team? My team? I'm a Nukes fan, remember?
Wilbon: That's right Mister East Coast Bias.
Kornheiser: I still thought, like everyone else, that
it would be a Riot in the Tidal Wave last year.
Wilbon: You think it'll happen this year?
Kornheiser: Money talks and B.S. walks...
Wilbon: You went to Vegas, didn't you?
Kornheiser: With Triple Crowner Homme and Cy Young
winner Dazzy Vance. It's easy money.
Wilbon: If the D.C. drops any more injuries, it could
be 2017 all over again...
Kornheiser: Are you telling me Derrick Coleman is Jim's
silent assistant or something?
1. Tokyo Tsunamis
Wilbon: Defending Weaverball Champs.
Kornheiser: They don't have to worry about Bora Bora
this year, so they should be able to coast to the playoffs.
Wilbon: This is an all-star team from top-to-bottom
and one of the greatest starting rotations ever.
Kornheiser: Although losing Harding will hurt them.
They aren't as deep as I'm sure they would like.
Wilbon: And they are getting old. Tokyo better try
to swipe up as many titles while they can.
Kornheiser: Hopefully for the fans in Japan, this year
will be like 2017 and not the choke-job in 2016.
Wilbon: This is the WeaverBall... anything and everything
Kornheiser: Anything? I can tell you this, JB won't
win it this year.
Wilbon: You know what I mean.
Kornheiser: As usual, I WIN AGAIN!
Wilbon: Till next time...