(AP) - Big news surfaced at Weaver Summit II, on 8/12/03 (4/27/15
in Weaver Time) as Honolulu
Volcanos owner Charles Polanski announced the demotion
of King Kamehameha from Manager to Ball King.
The man to fill his royal sandals is none other than
A man with a career winning percentage of .583 who last worked
in 1986 for the Baltimore Orioles. Earl Weaver has become
more myth than man over the years but he has come out of hiding
from parts unknown to take up a new challenge. (source: http://www.baseball-reference.com/managers/weaveea99.shtml).
stunned King Kamehameha had this to say, Who dat Polanski
tink he is! All I do is get my team to win year in year out.
Not da Kings fault dat Polanski cant spend extra
clam shells on good talent. Da King was stuck with garbage
talent like Northrop and Bigbee in my starting lineup.
King was also confused about what a Ball King
was, What da hell is a Ball King? Da King may not like
dis but as you may not know but some Yankees came and took
my land from me so I lost my day job. So, I guess I have to
take dis until I find something bettah.
course this comment was recorded after the King had laid waste
to the Honolulu dugout and clubhouse. He took out his prized
collection of Kapa Warrior weapons and proceeded to toss an
axe at a painting of Charles Polanski. He also carved out
the words I WILL SPLIT YOU LIKE A COCONUT POLANSKI
into the wooded dugout benches. A photocopy of the Kings
bare buttocks was found on Polanskis desk with the words
KISS DIS on it.
only had this prepared statement, faxed to the Weaver Times,
to issue after the tirade:
Kamehameha has served as a useful tool for the past 18 plus
seasons. But that tool like his axe have lost their sharpness.
I have found a job that best suits the former light hitting
second basemen. The only thing he could do was field when
he played in the Hawaiian League. He couldnt even make
the throw to first
now all he has to do is toss the
ball to our fans.
King is a euphemism for Ball Boy. Kamehameha will man the
left foul area while Sasha Ogata, Hawaiian Fitness Godness
will continue to be the Ball Goddess out in the right foul
area. (see http://www.sashaogata.com/).
Weaver was reached at the Honolulu airport on 5/4/2015 as
he got ready to join the team as they battle Cozumel
for two games before flying off to Berlin
After winning a World Series, getting tossed out of
both games of a double header and creating the greatest computer
baseball game of all-time I didnt know what was left
for me to accomplish. Then someone told me about this Weaver
League International thing that started a couple years after
I retired and went into seclusion to parts unknown. I learned
of the immense talent that made Major League Baseball look
like the Arizona Rookie League. I had to be with the best.
I am now obsessed with getting the Volcanos back the Weaver
Cup of Ultimate Power!
Polanski is a true baseball genius and it is scary to think
what two great baseball mentalities can produce between him
and me, Weaver continued. I know Ive got
plenty of guys that can get me three run homeruns like Rosen,
McCoy, Grieve and Neel. Now we just need to scare the crap
out of the rest of the pansies in this league."